LGBT families out there, I thank you.My partner and I have been trying to conceive for over three months now. The process started last year actually, but the actual inseminations have been going on for the last 3. We are currently awaiting test results to see if we have a positive. This experience has made me very aware of the plight of LGBT families. How we have families of choice, that were not always easily obtained. It has humbled me and frustrated me. It has humbled me when i realize how difficult it actually is to become pregnant, how much of a miracle it really is that conception ever takes place. It has frustrated me when I see how some people conceive on accident or with very little thought. It frustrates me that our families of choice that are so very wanted come under such scrutiny.I watched the Rosie Cruise special on HBO and cried. It was so touching to see a community (albiet floating) where our children can be with other children like them. Where they can feel accepted. Where LGBT parents can talk openly and freely with others who “get it”. I wait for the day when we can walk our children to any given park or school and have the same experience. I think the day will come. We have wonderful people and organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/) working for us. And we have wonderful LGBT families blogging and podcasting about thier lives.Until then, we have this virtual community through blogs (like http://www.mombian.com/) and podcasts (like http://gayparenting.thepodcastnetwork.com/) where when we reach out we touch each other as though we were right next to each other. I know that when I hear about your stories, I laugh, cry and melt. I feel your pain and joy as though you were all part of my intimate family, because in a way we all share this journey together. I am thankful for that.That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.Keep up the good work LGBT families. Years from now when our society is benefitting from the adult products of the 90’s-2000’s “Gayby Boom” the world will be a much better place. Our diverse, accepting, loving children, all products of loving LGBT individuals will leave their mark.Best wishes to you and yours,Anne & Staci
It’s positive but it’s early… May 19, 2006
Let me start by saying that the amount of frustration I experienced by trying to decipher lines on an ovulation stick are nothing compared to my frustration trying to read lines on a pregnancy stick. You would think a positive would be easy to read…but truely you can be almost pregnant…there are degrees of it according to the pregnancy sticks. When you get the test line and a faint line accompanying it…it turns out that can possibly be pregnant…well, after 3 sticks that looked like that and no period I decided to go in for a blood test. I just found out that it is POSITIVE. My HCG level is 37 and anything over a 25 I guess is positive. BUT it could mean many things, it could be a tubal pregnancy, or god forbid, I could loose it before I even know it. I guess it is common for many women, especially those who are not trying and testing so often, to be pregnant and loose it before they ever knew they were pregnant. I have to go in saturday for a followup. Turns out the levels should double. Lets hope that is the case! Hope with me will you? Lets hope this positive stays positive.
Alright, so where was I? May 10, 2006
Oh, yeah…well I got a new laptop so of course I could not remember my password (to wordpress) and my old laptop just always remembered it. Now I have everything in my new laptop (a sweet tablet laptop might I add) so I should be better at this. Then again…I have nothing to report. We are on try number 3, the last drop of our initial sperm purchase and we are…waiting…as usual. Went in last week for insemination and should know soon if it took. If not we will have to purchase more sperm.Purchasing sperm, now there is a subject. The problem, other than the obvious “who do I pick” delimma, is HOW much to purchase. You don’t want to have to keep going to the bank, but then again you don’t want to have a crap load of swimmers left over.Keep your fingers crossed that the third time was a charm.
Did you know? April 26, 2006
That conventional personal lubricants can slow down sperm mobility making it nearly impossible for sperm to make its way to the egg? Currently there is only one sperm friendly lubricant on the market, its called “PreSeed”. It is packaged in individual packets and looks a little clinical, but is worth using if you are trying to get pregnant.Listen to me, I am just full of tips huh?
Ohh I almost forgot… April 20, 2006
Don’t mess around with any other ovulation test, go straight for the expensive digital ones…they are much easier to read…if you are anything like us, we want the lines to look alike so badly that we are poor judges of it the lines are actually alike or not. Digital is so easy and takes the emotion out of it, its simply a smile face (= ovulation) or a 0 (= not). How easy is that? I can’t believe no one tells ya that!
Failed Attempt #2 April 20, 2006
Well, we have not been successful this second try around either. I was actually a little excited when I woke up and was feeling nausiated on saturday morning. Knowing that my period was due sat or sunday, I took hope in the queasy feeling I had all day saturday, along with the fatigue…sunday I was put in my place when my period came. We have one shot left before we have to buy more “semen of a righteous man”, we initially only purchased three units, in other words, three months worth.To top it off, our house needs repair after repair, so I fear that the house is going to eat up any funds we have for baby making. I do not want to have to put any baby making attempts on hold. I feel like we would be back at square one.So yeah, its hard to post when there is not much to post. Life goes by in weeks of two…two weeks waiting to ovulate, followed by two weeks waiting to see if it took, and repeat.Trying to stay positive. We want this so badly.
So it’s been awhile… March 30, 2006
since I last posted, but that is because there really isn’t much to report. We are in the middle of the wait for ovulation again. Waiting for the two purple lines to match up indicating pending ovulation. Hopefully it will be more precise this time around, less waiting for an answer. We will have to wait and see. Waiting, the part I hate.
Failed attempt #1 March 22, 2006
Well, ok so I have joined the league of unsuccessful women who have tried to conceive and have failed. I read about womens stories who have been trying for (insert years here) and hope it is not going to be me. But when you try and fail, somehow you cannot help but feel shitty. Feel completely out of tune with your body, wonder if something is wrong with you, wonder how long this will take, if you have done something wrong…etc, etc, etc. It is hard to not become obsessed with it. Now we start the two week routine again, period one week, followed by a week of testing for ovulation, followed by me rushing to doctor (I have already come to the conclusion that Staci will never be able to accompany me to the insemination appointments as they are impossible to predict) and then waiting another 2 weeks to see if the “seed” took. Oiy!
Maybe an answer… March 19, 2006
This morning I had signs that perhaps my period is starting. A small amount of blood. Of course I am still hoping that maybe this is implantation bleeding and that I could actually still be pregnant. But, after being one week late for my period (which never happens normally to me) and multiple negative preg. tests I am starting to think that maybe I was technically pregnant and have lost it or I just never was pregnant and just late with my period. Which means in about 14 more days I go through the whole insemination thing again.This is all very consuming. A month has gone by now, which I know for some people is a short amount of time. But it has beena month of nonstop thinking about making a baby, watching when I ovulate, watching, waiting for sticks (ovulation and pregnancy) to turn positive…it’s all consuming…and now a month of my life has just flew by…and soon another month will fly by. It’s like I am living my life two weeks at a time…two weeks period and ovulation, then two weeks waiting to see if it took, if not two more weeks again. I have been cranky and irritable. I am tired, after only one month of having all eyes and ears on my cycle. Yet, I think if no one asked or showed concern I would be a little dissappointed. But every moring, my partner says, “Hows the pee stick”, as if I would not run out and tell her if I had good news. It gets tiring of constantly having to report negative results. Tiring to say the least!We went to Ikea yesterday, made a pilgrimage. It was nearly 12 hours of traveling/shopping. It was heavenly! We got so much stuff for the house and then…I actually had (with no pressure mind you) Staci fall into the same trap that I have been falling into lately…buying baby stuff. There is NO baby at this point and yet we bought a baby sheet set (so unGodly cheap and cute how could you pass), the most adorable finger puppet kits, kid cups, plates, organizers…and that was us showing restraint!I hold myself back, thinking that we could be jynxing ourselves…then we will have all this random baby stuff. Then I say, “what the hell, then we will just have plenty of gifts to pass out when our friends have children”.Part of me will be relieved if I indeed do have my period right now because at least I will have an answer. It wouldn’t be the answer I am looking or hoping for but some of the wait and guessing will be gone…*sigh*and of course part of me is going to be really discouraged…
Update to No Positive, No period… March 17, 2006
Still nothing, no signs of anything but some cramping last night. Still no signs of a period, and no positive pregnancy test. I finally called the doctor to see what to do next, to see if there is any relief to this waiting.
