LGBT families out there, I thank you.My partner and I have been trying to conceive for over three months now. The process started last year actually, but the actual inseminations have been going on for the last 3. We are currently awaiting test results to see if we have a positive. This experience has made me very aware of the plight of LGBT families. How we have families of choice, that were not always easily obtained. It has humbled me and frustrated me. It has humbled me when i realize how difficult it actually is to become pregnant, how much of a miracle it really is that conception ever takes place. It has frustrated me when I see how some people conceive on accident or with very little thought. It frustrates me that our families of choice that are so very wanted come under such scrutiny.I watched the Rosie Cruise special on HBO and cried. It was so touching to see a community (albiet floating) where our children can be with other children like them. Where they can feel accepted. Where LGBT parents can talk openly and freely with others who “get it”. I wait for the day when we can walk our children to any given park or school and have the same experience. I think the day will come. We have wonderful people and organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/) working for us. And we have wonderful LGBT families blogging and podcasting about thier lives.Until then, we have this virtual community through blogs (like http://www.mombian.com/) and podcasts (like http://gayparenting.thepodcastnetwork.com/) where when we reach out we touch each other as though we were right next to each other. I know that when I hear about your stories, I laugh, cry and melt. I feel your pain and joy as though you were all part of my intimate family, because in a way we all share this journey together. I am thankful for that.That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.Keep up the good work LGBT families. Years from now when our society is benefitting from the adult products of the 90′s-2000′s “Gayby Boom” the world will be a much better place. Our diverse, accepting, loving children, all products of loving LGBT individuals will leave their mark.Best wishes to you and yours,Anne & Staci
Day 17 could it be? March 1, 2006
New tests, and lo and behold this evening on pee attempt number 2 of the day we might just possibly have two matching lines on the pee stick? Or do we want them to match so badly that we only see matching lines? I have called and left a message anyway…which means what? They will call me in the morning and I just leave work and get inseminated? This is weird. On a completely different note, my partner surprised me for my birthday with a little ble box from Tiffanys with a committment ring in it…not just a committment ring, but THE ring, the ring of my dreams! 10 diamonds, platinum..ugh I love it…I love her. I wish this baby could be made on that love alone…Here’s hoping my eyes are not deceiving me, or my partner or my best friend who I just had an appointment with. As I jumped into her car with used ovulation stick in hand in a baggie, I said, “Look at this and don’t let the fact that I just urinated on this freak you out….do these lines look the same to you?” We are all so afraid of making a “wasted” deposit over nothing…yet afraid at missing all together.
Still no blue line February 22, 2006
but it should appear any day. The odd thing is that as a Lesbian couple trying to conceive we need to be able to take off of work for the procedure. This is the eqivalent of a hetrosexual couple asking to have off of work, or explaining that they couldn’t come to work because they needed to have sex. I have a position that is more flexible, I am the boss, with only the owner of my firm above me, so it is a little easier to be flexible. My partner, however, is not in such a flexible position. Fustrating but understandable. Fustrating in that I can understand the perspective of hetrosexuals yet wish the plight of gays who wish to conceive was less of a struggle.So yeah, waiting for two blue lines…oiy vey!
Flash Back February 21, 2006
I realized that I have not talked much about how the process was for us up until now. We found a clinic that a heterosexual friend had used when she was sick of waiting for “Mr. Right” to show up and decided she wanted to be a mom with or without a man. I called, and said “I would like to start the Insemination Process” to which I got an appointment and went in.My partner and I talked to the doctors and told them we were a couple looking to start our family. I am 33 years old and wish to carry, where as my partner is 41 and does NOT wish to carry a child. So, that was good concidering that they said, they most likely would not inseminate my partner due to her age anyway. During the barage of questions I had to tell the doctors that I had never had a PAP Smear. That’s right, 33 years old and never had an exam. Here’s the thing. As a lesbian, I was not having sex with men, and didn’t have sex with women until my 20′s, there was never any reason to have to have brith control, etc…I never really saw the need for it since I wasn’t having conventional sex. Now, I KNOW that there are a myriad of other things that can go wrong and that cancer could go undetected. But by this point, it had gone on so long that I was afraid on many levels.1. I was afraid that they would find something, and not knowing almost seemed better than knowing.2. I knew I would get a lecture, and or yelled at by the doctor and I just didn’t want to hear it. I know I should have gone sooner.3. I was afraid of the possible pain/discomfort/compromising position.So, after hearing this, the doctor said we could do it that day, and we did, it was nothing major at all, painless, quick and easy and so not worth worrying about. All tests came back fine.Then we were told we needed to go to the Psyciatrist to make sure we were not crazy and that we had “thought about this”. There we were grilled with such questions as, “So, little Suzie is at a friends house and they have a daddy and she comes home and wants to know why she doesn’t have a daddy, what do you say?” WHAT? Are you kidding me? We have some time to figure that one out don’t we? I mean, we have not even conceived. And questions like, “So what are the names of some male influences/role models that your child will have in their life?” Ummm, like you want an actual name? Me telling you that we will have some in our childs life is not enough, you want me to tell you names of people you won’t know regardless of if I tell you thier name or not? It was all very weird, and there were definate “right” answers despite her opening our conversation with “There are no wrong answers here.” Bullshit! Anyway, we sat on pins and needles for a week hoping the woman who held our child bearing future in the palm of her hands gave us the thumbs up. Well, we got the thumbs up, narrowed down the donor and ordered 3 initial units, enough for three cycles and are hoping to have success in three months. Otherwise we will try again…hopefully the donor we picked would be available still. So, sperm is now waiting on liquid nitrogen for me to ovulate any day (literally hopefully by friday) now. It’s all stressful, in a good, but stressful way.
Pre baby obsession February 8, 2006
The end of this month will be the first month that I will have an opportunity to go to the clinic for the insemination process, since our donor sperm just arrived last week. But let me tell you, I have been obsessing over babies and baby preparations for months. I have to stop myself from buying things, afraid I will jinx things. I have to stop myself from painting the will be babys room. I see adorable things and want to purchase them, afraid that when we have our child they will no longer be on the market. I look for websites that have mommy and me classes, playgroups for children from LGBT families (of which there are none in our area - Milwaukee, WI) and in general just continually mentally prepare for having a wee one in our life.I tug on the dogs ears, gently reminding them that “this is what babies do to doggies” as they look at me having no clue what lies ahead. I look around our home and envision baby everywhere…it’s a good feeling and an impatience all at once.