a long while. We’ll there has not been much to report since the miscarriage. Granted it was a very early pregnancy, it was a pregnancy none the less. It’s a loss to us. It’s hard to see the good in it that others speak of…you know the part where everyone says, “The good news is that you got pregnant. Now you know you can.” Somehow it seems like a very small consolation prize. So, we have been left with the wonder of if we should keep “playing this game”. Should we keep going this route (Artificial Insemination) or should we stop trying and look into foster care or adoption. The thing that upsets us is that in both those avenues it would be one of us doing the initial adopting or fostering. There just seem to be so many hoops to jump through. Toying with the idea of going back to insemination, do we use the same donor? Do we think about fertility drugs? Do we do something more invasive and expensive like IUI? So many things to think about.The summer has been crazy busy, and it’s all for the best, keeps my mind off of things. But makes it all the harder to start back up on charting cycles and testing for ovulation, and for quiting caffiene.Who knows what will happen in the next few months. Who knows.
Bad News… May 22, 2006
Second blood test confirmed that indeed I was pregnant but that I am miscarrying. The blood test is supposed to double every twenty-four hours and mine dropped from 37 to 18. I was told to expect a very painful period (which came today and is a doozy let me tell you!) and that I should not try IUI this month but to wait for my uterus to get back to normal, which it should be by next month.I feel like we have some decisions to make. How long do we want to try before we focus on other alternatives like foster care to adoption. Do we try both at the same time? How will I feel if I never conceive? Etc. Etc. I guess I can’t think too much about these things until I hear more from my doctor about what is going on with my body.You can’t help but wonder if it will continue though…will I keep miscarrying. Did I do something wrong…etc etc.
This post is in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day May 19, 2006
LGBT families out there, I thank you.My partner and I have been trying to conceive for over three months now. The process started last year actually, but the actual inseminations have been going on for the last 3. We are currently awaiting test results to see if we have a positive. This experience has made me very aware of the plight of LGBT families. How we have families of choice, that were not always easily obtained. It has humbled me and frustrated me. It has humbled me when i realize how difficult it actually is to become pregnant, how much of a miracle it really is that conception ever takes place. It has frustrated me when I see how some people conceive on accident or with very little thought. It frustrates me that our families of choice that are so very wanted come under such scrutiny.I watched the Rosie Cruise special on HBO and cried. It was so touching to see a community (albiet floating) where our children can be with other children like them. Where they can feel accepted. Where LGBT parents can talk openly and freely with others who “get it”. I wait for the day when we can walk our children to any given park or school and have the same experience. I think the day will come. We have wonderful people and organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign (
http://www.hrc.org/
) working for us. And we have wonderful LGBT families blogging and podcasting about thier lives.Until then, we have this virtual community through blogs (like
http://www.mombian.com/
) and podcasts (like
http://gayparenting.thepodcastnetwork.com/
) where when we reach out we touch each other as though we were right next to each other. I know that when I hear about your stories, I laugh, cry and melt. I feel your pain and joy as though you were all part of my intimate family, because in a way we all share this journey together. I am thankful for that.That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.Keep up the good work LGBT families. Years from now when our society is benefitting from the adult products of the 90′s-2000′s “Gayby Boom” the world will be a much better place. Our diverse, accepting, loving children, all products of loving LGBT individuals will leave their mark.Best wishes to you and yours,Anne & Staci
It’s positive but it’s early…
Let me start by saying that the amount of frustration I experienced by trying to decipher lines on an ovulation stick are nothing compared to my frustration trying to read lines on a pregnancy stick. You would think a positive would be easy to read…but truely you can be almost pregnant…there are degrees of it according to the pregnancy sticks. When you get the test line and a faint line accompanying it…it turns out that can possibly be pregnant…well, after 3 sticks that looked like that and no period I decided to go in for a blood test. I just found out that it is POSITIVE. My HCG level is 37 and anything over a 25 I guess is positive. BUT it could mean many things, it could be a tubal pregnancy, or god forbid, I could loose it before I even know it. I guess it is common for many women, especially those who are not trying and testing so often, to be pregnant and loose it before they ever knew they were pregnant. I have to go in saturday for a followup. Turns out the levels should double. Lets hope that is the case! Hope with me will you? Lets hope this positive stays positive.
Alright, so where was I? May 10, 2006
Oh, yeah…well I got a new laptop so of course I could not remember my password (to wordpress) and my old laptop just always remembered it. Now I have everything in my new laptop (a sweet tablet laptop might I add) so I should be better at this. Then again…I have nothing to report. We are on try number 3, the last drop of our initial sperm purchase and we are…waiting…as usual. Went in last week for insemination and should know soon if it took. If not we will have to purchase more sperm.Purchasing sperm, now there is a subject. The problem, other than the obvious “who do I pick” delimma, is HOW much to purchase. You don’t want to have to keep going to the bank, but then again you don’t want to have a crap load of swimmers left over.Keep your fingers crossed that the third time was a charm.
Did you know? April 26, 2006
That conventional personal lubricants can slow down sperm mobility making it nearly impossible for sperm to make its way to the egg? Currently there is only one sperm friendly lubricant on the market, its called “PreSeed”. It is packaged in individual packets and looks a little clinical, but is worth using if you are trying to get pregnant.Listen to me, I am just full of tips huh?
Ohh I almost forgot… April 20, 2006
Don’t mess around with any other ovulation test, go straight for the expensive digital ones…they are much easier to read…if you are anything like us, we want the lines to look alike so badly that we are poor judges of it the lines are actually alike or not. Digital is so easy and takes the emotion out of it, its simply a smile face (= ovulation) or a 0 (= not). How easy is that? I can’t believe no one tells ya that!
Failed Attempt #2
Well, we have not been successful this second try around either. I was actually a little excited when I woke up and was feeling nausiated on saturday morning. Knowing that my period was due sat or sunday, I took hope in the queasy feeling I had all day saturday, along with the fatigue…sunday I was put in my place when my period came. We have one shot left before we have to buy more “semen of a righteous man”, we initially only purchased three units, in other words, three months worth.To top it off, our house needs repair after repair, so I fear that the house is going to eat up any funds we have for baby making. I do not want to have to put any baby making attempts on hold. I feel like we would be back at square one.So yeah, its hard to post when there is not much to post. Life goes by in weeks of two…two weeks waiting to ovulate, followed by two weeks waiting to see if it took, and repeat.Trying to stay positive. We want this so badly.
So it’s been awhile… March 30, 2006
since I last posted, but that is because there really isn’t much to report. We are in the middle of the wait for ovulation again. Waiting for the two purple lines to match up indicating pending ovulation. Hopefully it will be more precise this time around, less waiting for an answer. We will have to wait and see. Waiting, the part I hate.
Failed attempt #1 March 22, 2006
Well, ok so I have joined the league of unsuccessful women who have tried to conceive and have failed. I read about womens stories who have been trying for (insert years here) and hope it is not going to be me. But when you try and fail, somehow you cannot help but feel shitty. Feel completely out of tune with your body, wonder if something is wrong with you, wonder how long this will take, if you have done something wrong…etc, etc, etc. It is hard to not become obsessed with it. Now we start the two week routine again, period one week, followed by a week of testing for ovulation, followed by me rushing to doctor (I have already come to the conclusion that Staci will never be able to accompany me to the insemination appointments as they are impossible to predict) and then waiting another 2 weeks to see if the “seed” took. Oiy!
